Twisted Ankle

Today is my day off. Woohoo! Sadly, I have not been able to do as much with this day as I would have liked, as I rolled my ankle yesterday while playing with one of the kids. I'm REALLY hoping the swelling goes down soon and the pain goes away quickly. I woke up in the middle of the night to get the baby a bottle and the pain was quite strong, but it hasn't been nearly as bad since.

My biggest hope and prayer is that my ankle will be in good shape by the time I head to Australia. My man and I have plans to do lots of exploring since it will be my first ever visit to the Land Down Under. There are mountains to climb, beaches to walk, oceans to swim in, dancing to do, and 1000 steps to climb, not to mention wandering aimlessly around Ikea or the big city of Melbourne. I would be so sad if a little twist of the ankle prevented me from enjoying my time in Melbourne to its fullest.

More than exploring the city and surrounding areas, I am so excited to spend time with Sumu, the man of my dreams.

Abuse

As I was riding my bike into town today to study at the coffee shop where I am now, I came upon a woman carrying her baby on her back, a perfectly normal sight. The next moment I noticed a man who had pulled over on the side of the road and I watched him storm over to her and yank her by the arm, and begin to drag her toward the passenger seat in the truck, all the while yelling fiercely at her. This troubled me deeply, and I pulled over to the side of the road just ahead of the truck. As the man is yelling at her I asked, "Do you need help?" in Thai. She declined, but I could tell she was afraid. I wished there was something I could do, but as I was on a bicycle and I was pretty sure I left my cell phone at home, I felt totally helpless.

What are the chances that this man is going to take her home and beat her for trying to run away or go against his wishes? Pretty high, I thought. I reluctantly continued on my way to study, all the while praying for this woman and her young baby. A couple minutes later I saw the man drive past in the truck, woman and baby in the passenger seat, and baby carriage in the back. The woman had such a look of desperation, fear, and resignation all wrapped into one.

My heart goes out to this woman who likely feels like she is trapped and has no way out. Did she attempt to run away but he found her and brought her back? What has happened that this man feels he has the right to speak to her and grab her that way? It left me wondering how many women in Thailand are living a life similar to this woman, trapped in an awful cycle of abuse and dependence with no way out. Is there no place for her to go and get help?

Smile!

Baby Non is getting better and better at sleeping during the night, which makes me a happy nanny since my job is to watch him during the night, 6 days a week. Tonight he was especially precious. After sleeping nearly 6 hours between his first and second night feed (yay baby!!), I gave him a generous helping of milk and burped him afterward, as he was fussing. He let out two HUGE belches that could have been mistaken for a grown man's. After his tummy was feeling more at ease, he decided this would be a great time to have a conversation. So, he proceeded to stare into my eyes and coo as I responded in turn. I love these moments when we get to "chat" back and forth. He is so responsive for a little guy (now two months old). The best moment of this evening, though, is when he was beginning to fall asleep and out of nowhere he gave me a huge grin! I had seen a few gassy winges and some half-efforts at a smile, but nothing like this. He smiled at me; there was no doubt about it! Granted, he was also falling asleep, so maybe he was smiling at the though of a nice night's rest, but either way I got to witness a huge grin for a brief moment. It made my night.

This little boy has sure enraptured my heart. I think it will be very difficult to say goodbye in seven short weeks. And the rest of the kids... it has been SO NICE to be able to spend time with them again. I hope it is meaningful to them that I came back and didn't just abandon them like so many people in their lives. I realize I am only here for a short time (five months), but I'm praying that I can leave a positive impact on them during this time. I really do hope that I will come back here in the future, if not to live and work then at least to visit. Chiang Rai has certainly stolen my heart.

Burma Relief Work?

A friend and I here in Chiang Rai are praying about taking a group up to Burma for earthquake relief work on our weekend off, not this weekend but the next. She is a nurse and had an idea to bring medical supplies and administer basic medication to the people in Burma who are suffering injuries from the earthquake that occurred a few days ago. We're planning on meeting with some Christians who run a local coffee shop to see if they would pray about seeing if this is a possibility, and possibly joining us. There are lots of things to consider: 1. How are we going to get money for medical supplies? 2. How are we going to get the supplies to the people? 3. Would we be able to go into Burma ourselves, or would we be prevented by Burmese government? 4. Would some Burmese people here in Thailand be willing to go with us as translators? 5. What direction is the Lord leading us to go? 6. Who all would be able/willing to join us?

The Burmese border is only an hour's drive from here, and it just makes sense that some of us would go to help as we are so close and able to provide at least some relief for those suffering just across the border. Please be praying for the Lord's direction in this, as the Burmese government isn't the most welcoming. But, if the Lord is in this, we trust that He will direct us and protect us along the way. Please pray for clarity for all of us involved as we meet together about it tomorrow.

Massage Time

Two massages in 48 hours? Yeah, I could get used to this. Today I met up with an old friend who I met last time I was here in Thailand. She's been on staff at the YWAM base here for the past 5+ years, and when I returned to Thailand in January she was on furlough for six months back home in Melbourne. She returned last week, so today we met up for lunch and massages. She had been massage-deprived for the last six months, and although I just got a foot massage yesterday, I figured I could manage to suffer through another one for the sake of an old friend. :)

It was especially fun meeting up with her as she just got back from Melbourne, where I will be headed off to in 51 days to see my 'fan' (Thai for 'boyfriend'/'girlfriend'). The fun thing is, she is from his home church that I will be attending while I'm there! She told me today that she thinks he's a great guy; I agreed wholeheartedly. I'm so thankful to have friends who know him. It's not just a random internet relationship or even a random person I met who doesn't have any connections to my life. He came here with four other close friends who I got to know as well, so when I go to Melbourne I already know some wonderful people besides him. Upon meeting this team of individuals from his home group, I felt an instant connection, not just with him but with the spirit of this group of people. I am really looking forward to seeing them again and spending time with them as a group. They really do love the Lord and seek to glorify Him and make Him known. I could certainly stand being friends with these people.

Earthquake!!

I experienced my first ever earthquake last night. I was nowhere near the epicenter, but we certainly felt a number of sustained rumbles here in Chiang Rai throughout the night and into this morning. The funny thing is, I was actually talking on the phone to my boyfriend (man I like the sound of that) when the first one hit. Somehow I felt safer even knowing that he was there to talk to on the other side of the world. The baby didn't wake up, which was great, but when I went out to check on the boys two of them were up with the other nanny and walking around... it certainly shook them out of bed. It was really quite mild, though. At first I thought maybe there was a truck rumbling by, but that didn't even make sense since we're out in the country and not near a major road. The first thing I did was open the window and listen. The rumbling was not just in the house; it was all around. Shortly after the first quake and aftershocks, I saw on Facebook that the quake was centered in Burma, just north of here. I still have yet to hear about damages. From what I heard, the first on was like a 7.0, and there was another 5.6 (ish) around 11:30. It's pretty weird to feel the earth shaking under my feet. It is disconcerting to know that the ground underneath me is really not as stable as it seems.

"Facebook Official"

It's funny how making a relationship "Facebook official" makes it all the more concrete. It is as if we are saying to the world, "I care about this person and I don't care who knows it!" It's just been so long since I've had someone special in my life, and certainly nobody as special as this guy, that it all seems so surreal. But, this is really happening. It is "Facebook official". No taking things back now! Muahahaha! :)

In other news, the kids finished school a week ago, so I've started doing reading groups with them. Today we opened a Tubba Blubba project that was sent to us via Chantel (thank you, Chantel!), and the kids began writing about themselves and about Thailand. They had horrible attitudes about it at first, but I think they began to actually enjoy it once they got into it, though they wouldn't admit that to me. I'm really hoping they embrace the project and put together a nice collage of Thailand for the kids back in America.

Beans Are Spilled

I am at a loss for words these days. How can I adequately express the joy that I have felt these past couple of weeks? I suppose since there's a select number of people who read this (that I'm aware of...) I'll spill the beans.

As I mentioned before, back in January I met this guy. He is wonderful. I actually am in awe of how incredible he is, to be honest. I never thought I would meet a guy like him. He has such a soft heart for the Lord and for people in general, especially those in developing countries. I think it goes without stating that I have a heart for the same things. The more I get to know him, the more I discover I love about him.

What baffles me is the fact that he cares so deeply for me. Nearly two weeks ago now he spilled the beans about how he cares for me. That very same day, before he told me that, I felt prompted by the Lord to email him about flying to visit him in Australia. This was a HUGE leap of faith for me, as he hadn't even overtly told me how he felt about me. Yet, I sensed strongly that this is what God was calling me to do. So, I emailed him and I told him in as tactful a way as possible that I wanted to come visit him in Melbourne to see if there is anything to these sparks between us, and would wait for his reply. Well, after he had stepped out and told me how he felt about me, I asked if he had read my email. His answer was, "What email?" What perfect timing, I thought. I don't even have to convince him that the feelings are mutual... he figured that out for himself by reading my email and hearing about my desire to come visit him. Needless to say, he was ecstatic at the idea of me coming for a visit. He had even prayed, "Lord, can you please bring Steph to me?"

Since that day, it's like the floodgates have burst open. I've never been in a relationship like this before. There have been a few guys in the past, but none that shared my vision like him or cared about me like him... and none that I cared about so deeply.

For several years I have wondered, "Is it possible for me to open my heart up again?" I was really beginning to wonder if it would happen... if I would let myself love again. Over the past several years God has really brought me along on a journey of learning to trust Him more deeply and follow Him with all of my heart and mind and soul. In the past year I felt a strong sense that my time for meeting someone special was drawing near, but I had a hard time believing that since there wasn't one guy in my life who shared my heart and vision.

Coming to Home of the Open Heart here in Chiang Rai was a clear choice--I knew this is where God wanted me to be for this time in my life. However, I didn't think I would meet someone so special during this time. I see God's hand and His blessing clearly in this situation, and I will continue to move forward in faith and trust that He holds both our hearts in His hands. The craziest thing about all of this is the peace that both of us as well as those around us feel about this whole thing. I really believe God brought us together, and I trust that He will hold us together as we embark on this incredible journey. It is becoming increasingly difficult to be away from him and I so look forward to the day in less than two months when I get to see him face to face. So, there you go, a juicy tidbit for your reading pleasure. :)

Pinch me.

After years of inactivity in my "love life", I had almost forgotten what it feels like to meet someone. I heard once that in those initial stages, God gives people the gift of seeing that person for who they were really meant to be...sans all of the mistakes and insecurities and fears and worries that often plague us and our relationships. I could definitely see that to be true. How is this even happening? Here I am, minding my own business, volunteering at a children's home where there are NO available men (we have three men on staff here...all married), and somehow I meet this guy who comes here for just two days to serve with his team from a church in Australia. What are the chances that we would hit it off from the word "hello", and not stop talking since? What are the chances that he would hit every check mark on my list and then some? What are the chances that he is just as into me as I am into him? Judging by past experience, the chances for all of these things to align are slim to none, yet this is really happening. I'm REALLY going to Australia to visit him to see if there's something to this....am I dreaming? Somebody pinch me, please.

Twitterpation

Thoughts swirling
Emotions rising
Dreams growing
Prayers ascending
Could it be?
No, not me.
I daren't breathe a word
Lest it all vanish
Without a trace.

To the waterfall!

Why is it that I often don't take time to slow down and feel the wind caress my face or the birds sing their joyous songs? Thankfully my life over here allows for that much more than my life back in the states, and today is one such day where I was able to slow down and hear the songs of nature.

After passing baby Non off to his day nanny, I was determined to get outside while the air was still cool enough to enjoy it. (Hot Season is rapidly chasing us down here, and he has nearly overtaken us here in Thailand.) My friend Susie left me her bicycle to use for the duration of my stay here which is a true blessing. My only other option is a one-speed cruiser bike that is simply not my favorite bike to ride. I've been spoiled back home with my nice bike I bought myself after returning from Thailand last time, so I suppose I'm a bit snobbish now when it comes to bikes.

Anyway, I decided to ride up to Pong Prabaht waterfall, which is about a 20-minute ride from the children's home. I stuck 10 baht in my shoe to buy some water when I reached my destination, and I was off. As I was riding along, I was reminded of the sense of peace I often find as I am riding along the rice fields, villages, and mountains of Chiang Rai. The beauty here is truly breathtaking in its simplicity.

Twenty minutes later I arrived at my destination, exhausted from the incline at the end of the road. Just as I had remembered, there was a little store at the base of the waterfall park where I purchased my requisite hydration. From there, I decided my body had worked hard enough and I walked up just a little way to a rock by the waterfall. As I listened to the water let out a peaceful chorus below, I couldn't help but think of the goodness of God. I began to meditate on His character and was filled with joy at the thought that the God of the Universe would choose to love me and speak to me in spite of my faults. I thought about 1 Corinthians 13 and replaced the word "love" with "God", since God is love. Two things struck a chord in me: first, He keeps no record of wrongs. I know this in my head, but I often need to be reminded of it in my heart. Second, He always trusts. He always trusts ME? But I am human, and I fail. How could He trust ME after I have proven so many times that I often fail Him? Even more, how can He trust those who perpetually scoff in His face? He loves those who are opposed to Him, which means He trusts them, doesn't it? This is too much for me to understand. I will be praying for further revelation in this.

Humorous Moments

"Excuse me, cold American." I'm sitting in a coffee shop now and this is what the man sitting nearby ordered. It made me smile. I'm assuming he is from either China or Korea. It's moments like this that remind me to stop and relish the place where I am living. I love that I get to meet people from all around the world on a regular basis, and be surrounded by broken English as people from various cultures attempt to communicate with one another.

On a completely different note, at about 1am one of the boys, Josiah, came to my room nearly in tears and said "there's bug in bathroom". I figured he was overreacting but I followed him to the bathroom where I encountered a massive cockroach scuttling around the bathroom. My reaction: take the lid off the trashcan and cover the cockroach. I was NOT about to kill it (can you imagine the crunch?), catch it or otherwise deal with it. We were both satisfied with the trash can lid solution. Moments later, after Josiah did his thing, I woke up one of the other boys, Garin, so he could use the toilet. I made the mistake of telling Garin, "whatever you do, DO NOT lift up this lid because there's a cockroach under there and I don't want him to get out." Without missing a beat, Garin proceeds to sleepily pick up the trash can lid, put it back where it belongs, and watch the bug scurry about. He wasn't nearly as bothered as Josiah was, and there was no need for me to go in the bathroom, so I didn't bother dealing with the bug further.

I am increasingly surprised at the volume of critters meandering about. A couple of nights ago I went into my bathroom and found that it had been overrun by ants. There must have been at least five hundred of the critters all over the bathroom. My response: douse the entire room in baby powder. Ants hate that stuff! This morning when I took my shower I was surrounded by dead ants. Mission accomplished.

Whew! Saturday Is Here!

What a week. It has been a great week, but I have worked hard. Between night shifts with the baby and subbing during the day, I've been tired. How do new moms manage to have a new baby and work at the same time? If any of you reading this have been in that place, I applaud you. I never realized how much babies sap your energy until I've had this unique opportunity of being a part-time new mom, watching baby Non at night, six nights a week.

That being said, it was an interesting week! Overall I really enjoyed helping out in the kindergarten class. As the week has gone on, I've realized that 90% of the behaviors that arise (at least in the time I was there) were a result of unstructured time or boredom. Either there was nothing planned so the boys (two in particular who have a hard time) were coming up with their own ideas, or their attention spans were simply not sustainable for the amount of time that they were sitting in their desks. I'll be doing some more thinking and praying about a plan of attack for this teacher to support her in her efforts with these kids, but at this point I think it will be focused more on classroom management and ways to keep students engaged and actively participating in the classroom activities.

One thing I found really interesting is that I was told to stay on top of this one boy, we'll call him Stevie, because he has the most behavior problems. However, for the entire week that I was in the classroom his behaviors were relatively mild and were redirected very quickly with some firm guidance. His classroom rival, we'll call him Joey, sapped far more energy from me than Stevie did! This really makes me curious about the classroom dynamics the rest of the time, aside from this week I was here. From what I noticed the classroom teacher had much more empathy for Joey and I noticed her taking time to give him a hug or speak kindly to him, but she told me that she has a hard time with the other one because of personality conflicts. I'm still processing how I could support this teacher with some effective methods and ideas, while not condemning her for struggles in the classroom. Any ideas are welcome!

Substitute for a Week

Wow, it has been nearly a week since I last blogged. Whoops! I guess I was feeling uninspired and didn't want to post something boring, so I decided to wait until I had something to say. Well, today is the day.

Last week I got a call from the principal of the local international Christian school, and she asked if I would come in and sub for a week in the kindergarten classroom filling in as the assistant for four days and being lead kindergarten teacher for two. Since I am now just working nights with the baby it is possible for me to do more things during the day like this, so I agreed.

My first day of kindergarten was yesterday. Every time I am in a kindergarten class I absolutely love it. What a fun age! This kindergarten class is composed of eight high-energy youngsters who are NOT shy--not one of them. Upon arriving in the classroom on Monday, the teacher informed me that my job was to be with one boy in particular, and stay with him the whole time. She explained what a problem he was and how it was going to be a great struggle to get him to obey. I was pleasantly surprised with the delightful boy that showed up to school that day. The teacher said it was the first good day she had had all year. As one of the other teachers came in to ask how it was going she replied, "Did you know that I like teaching?"

The next day, today, he was also pretty good. When he is good, the rest of the class is as well. When he has a rough day the classroom dynamics are significantly affected. I'm sure nobody has had a student like that, right? :)

My goal for this week is to come up with a plan for this boy, thus supporting this struggling first-year teacher. I'm pulling out the archives of my special ed classes to put together a behavior plan that will be useful for her and supportive for him.

This week I am realizing that I really enjoy being in a supportive role for the teacher, not only as an assistant for the week but also supporting her with ideas and an action plan to make the classroom a more positive environment for both her and this boy. I can definitely see myself flourishing in some sort of role like this in the future, giving teachers the tools they need for success in their classrooms. I suppose that is a big part of the role of special educators, is it not?