Just a warning: I'm not entirely sure what this blog will be about. I guess we'll see when it's finished, eh?
Man, I feel like I've been doing a lot of processing lately. As I'm writing, my heart is heavy. For some reason, the reality of leaving soon just about knocked the wind out of me today; it hit me quite suddenly. I went up to ask my friend Brooke if I could try her dress on to see if I liked how it fit and wanted to get one myself, and I couldn't even get the words out completely before I realized that the opportunities to get that certain dress are becoming increasingly lessened, and I probably won't have that many more times at the night bazaar. I realize this is a completely silly thing to trigger the reality of leaving, but going to the night bazaar is something that I have done routinely at least biweekly for the past 11 months (this particular one for the past 8 1/2 months). In just over a month, I will be walking the streets of Seattle or Coeur d'Alene and there won't be the night bazaar to go to. I can't ride my bike down to Thalat Bandu (Bandu Market) for a bit of socialization to chat to the friends at Companion Coffee Shop or buy a bunch of flowers for a friend or my favorite meal for about 60 cents. No more going to the big market to drool over yarn with Bethany. No more looking at random signs trying to work out what they say (which has been a recent obsession). No more cuddles with Josiah or a sharing a knowing glance with Mai. No more Monday meetings with all of the staff and laughing at this group of Thais and farongs interact together and share a love for the Lord no matter what the language. I think I'll even miss mornings with the boys, challenging as they are! But, there is a season for everything under heaven, and I know that the season God has placed me in Thailand is coming to an end. Months ago He made it quite clear that this is when I was supposed to stay until, and I am confident that going home now is the right time. It doesn't make it any easier, though. I think one of the most difficult things with going home is having a year of experiences that nobody around me can truly relate to.
On a happier note, I was reflecting on things I have learned over the past year, and the lessons have been huge yet subtle. The Lord has been so good with teaching me lessons in a gentle way throughout my life. I think the biggest thing that I have learned is to trust Him in all things. I remember during mission's week on my DTS, we had a speaker named Dan Baumann. I'm not even sure all the things he talked about, but one thing that I will never forget is how God spoke through him on how I needed to truly trust Him. I'm NOT one to cry in public, and when he began talking about trusting God with finances, I was a blubbering fool. This is one area that I have always been pretty capable of handling on my own, up until now. At this point I had probably $700-800 that hadn't come in yet, and it was a week or two until we left for outreach. Anyway, not only did God ask me to trust Him with providing what I needed, but He asked me to be obedient in helping others when I didn't have all the money myself. This is when He really began to chip away at my dependence on myself so that I could depend on Him fully. To this day, I'm not sure how all the money has come in for me to live here, but God has provided each step of the way and He deserves every bit of glory for that. It sure wasn't me! Even more than that, He has taught me to trust Him with my heart. He has challenged me to love in ways that I would rather not because the risk is great. Through that He has given me a greater glimpse of His love and shown me that no matter what the risk, it is ok to love big because my heart is in His hands, and even if I fall on my face, He will draw me closer to Himself as a result. So, all this to say, I give up. I give up trying to do things my way. I trust Him to take my life and make it something far more beautiful than I ever can. May He get all the glory!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Goings-on of late :)
It's about time I write a new blog, isn't it? I guess it's been about a month. Oops!
This has been a pretty crazy month. Lots of goodbyes and hellos. We just said goodbye to two people who were with us for 6 months, and hello to 4 people (a married couple and two friends) who will be with us for a year. It's weird for me living in an environment where you live with people and do ministry with them, therefore building close relationships, and then having to say goodbye and move on to the next people. There is a temptation, especially the longer you've been in a missionary situation like this, to close yourself off and not get too close, because you know you will have to say goodbye. What a shame that would be, though, missing out getting to know people who each have something special to offer, simply because I will have to say goodbye soon.
I guess I have been thinking about goodbyes a lot lately... maybe a bit too much, to be honest. Starting in December, we had about 6 different people leaving over the period of the next few months, myself being the last of this chain. A friend who has become very close to my heart, Bethany, will be leaving in less than 3 weeks, and I will be leaving about 4 weeks after that. With her departure date nearing, I can't help but think of mine, as well.
Part of me is looking forward to going home, and part of me is really sad at the thought of leaving. I have no idea what God has in store for me next year, which is honestly very exciting. Nerve-racking at times, but exciting. He has gently lead me each step of the way on this journey, and I know He will continue to do so faithfully, teaching me about Himself and His ways all along the way. My future is pretty much a blank slate. People have begun asking me what it is I will be doing when I get home, and all I know right now is: get a job. It will be nice to earn money for a living again! Aside from that, I really believe God hasn't revealed anything else to me. There are a few things I wouldn't mind doing if God led that direction, but I want to be sure He is the one initiating it and not me. So, for now, I'm a blank slate!
As far as things here at Baan Nam Jai, it has been really good lately, but pretty challenging. Just when I feel like I get solid footing with what I'm doing, a new challenge is thrown my way (which is always a good thing). This week, I have had a crash course on parenting! I am standing in as house manager for the boys' house right now while their normal house manager is away. I've been doing night shifts (which isn't new) and morning shifts with Brooke who has been here for 2 weeks now, in addition to teaching preschool. Most of the boys have honestly been great, but one boy has been having some real challenges and needs prayer. So, if you can take a moment right now, please pray for Foon. There have been a lot of changes in his life lately: Aphae being gone, a new nanny in the house, his dad coming to visit (who recently became a Christian, praise God!), switching rooms around so he is now with the younger kids, and schedule changes on top of that. As a result, he has been acting out in HORRIBLE ways. For the last 3 mornings now, he has been having complete breakdowns whenever he is corrected. Part of this is probably testing, seeing whether we are going to be firm with him, but I believe there is a lot of spiritual stuff going on as well. It's like a switch is flipped, and he's in crazy, angry, I-want-to-get-a-knife-and-kill-myself mode. So, please pray that God will do a miracle in healing his heart and getting to the heart of whatever is going on. And please pray that God will give me wisdom in when to be firm and when to have grace with him. Thank you so much!
Ok, I must go now: time to celebrate Australia Day. Happy Australia Day, everyone! Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi! :)
This has been a pretty crazy month. Lots of goodbyes and hellos. We just said goodbye to two people who were with us for 6 months, and hello to 4 people (a married couple and two friends) who will be with us for a year. It's weird for me living in an environment where you live with people and do ministry with them, therefore building close relationships, and then having to say goodbye and move on to the next people. There is a temptation, especially the longer you've been in a missionary situation like this, to close yourself off and not get too close, because you know you will have to say goodbye. What a shame that would be, though, missing out getting to know people who each have something special to offer, simply because I will have to say goodbye soon.
I guess I have been thinking about goodbyes a lot lately... maybe a bit too much, to be honest. Starting in December, we had about 6 different people leaving over the period of the next few months, myself being the last of this chain. A friend who has become very close to my heart, Bethany, will be leaving in less than 3 weeks, and I will be leaving about 4 weeks after that. With her departure date nearing, I can't help but think of mine, as well.
Part of me is looking forward to going home, and part of me is really sad at the thought of leaving. I have no idea what God has in store for me next year, which is honestly very exciting. Nerve-racking at times, but exciting. He has gently lead me each step of the way on this journey, and I know He will continue to do so faithfully, teaching me about Himself and His ways all along the way. My future is pretty much a blank slate. People have begun asking me what it is I will be doing when I get home, and all I know right now is: get a job. It will be nice to earn money for a living again! Aside from that, I really believe God hasn't revealed anything else to me. There are a few things I wouldn't mind doing if God led that direction, but I want to be sure He is the one initiating it and not me. So, for now, I'm a blank slate!
As far as things here at Baan Nam Jai, it has been really good lately, but pretty challenging. Just when I feel like I get solid footing with what I'm doing, a new challenge is thrown my way (which is always a good thing). This week, I have had a crash course on parenting! I am standing in as house manager for the boys' house right now while their normal house manager is away. I've been doing night shifts (which isn't new) and morning shifts with Brooke who has been here for 2 weeks now, in addition to teaching preschool. Most of the boys have honestly been great, but one boy has been having some real challenges and needs prayer. So, if you can take a moment right now, please pray for Foon. There have been a lot of changes in his life lately: Aphae being gone, a new nanny in the house, his dad coming to visit (who recently became a Christian, praise God!), switching rooms around so he is now with the younger kids, and schedule changes on top of that. As a result, he has been acting out in HORRIBLE ways. For the last 3 mornings now, he has been having complete breakdowns whenever he is corrected. Part of this is probably testing, seeing whether we are going to be firm with him, but I believe there is a lot of spiritual stuff going on as well. It's like a switch is flipped, and he's in crazy, angry, I-want-to-get-a-knife-and-kill-myself mode. So, please pray that God will do a miracle in healing his heart and getting to the heart of whatever is going on. And please pray that God will give me wisdom in when to be firm and when to have grace with him. Thank you so much!
Ok, I must go now: time to celebrate Australia Day. Happy Australia Day, everyone! Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi! :)
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